Peace in the middle of chaos?

Life has a way of showing one who’s boss. Why do I say this? Well for example I live in Southern Idaho, with my mother-in-law, three dogs, two step boys, my husband of course and I work as a massage therapist. Part time that is, as the last two months have been slow, so I spend more time not working than working. My husband cannot seem to find work, no matter how many resumes and applications. You know its bad when someone won’t hire you to move boxes and drive a moving truck! What are people not moving? I have no idea I just know that finding joy and a peaceful state of existence is certainly not based on what one can “do” these days. 

It is proving challenging to be on the cusp of a BA degree in English and not able to finish it due to money issues. Oh what about the fact that I have spent over 6 years working on getting my degree so that I could make something of myself. Wow, what a difference the last four years have made, suddenly there are no jobs for people with artsy degree’s, nor does the school I am attending offering the final classes so that I can graduate. So debt is my best friend with no real clue on how to pay for it. This of course does not include the money needed to just live, cover the cost of living, pay for kids clothes, shoes…my god they go through shoes like I change undies. Growing boys, active boys, tearing, breaking, cracking, putting holes in things and well at the moment no cash to replace it. 

So where do I fit in this picture? America has always said, get a degree and you will have a fantastic job. Granted I went to school later with the hope I could make a fine income to support myself and eventually my family. That is not the case, and not only are the 20+ somethings finding a harsh job landscape, but those of us in the high 30’s and low 40’s are finding its not easy either. 

The formula is no longer working and as Madonna says, “No one is going to show you how” which I am finding is more truth than fiction. My husband of course says I am a library of fun and very interesting information, dare I say knowledge? I have lived a non-conventional life, of that I know. I have experienced things that most people either pretend they did not participate in or rather not talk about it. I can write, that is a fact I also have lots of crazy ideas for topics to write on. So if no one is going to show me how than the question is, what else can I do with my life that will in some way support us financially and allow me to be the odd and interesting person that I am? 

Breathe has been my mantra the last few days. Gratitude for the things we do have, i.e we do not have to live under a bridge at the moment. Although that might be interesting but not something I desire to experience first hand. We have food on our table, toilet paper in the bathroom. You would not believe how the lack of toilet paper is almost fatal…so I go through my list and get outside in all this free time to soak up the great outdoors. A different point of view seems to be the new mantra, so I am trying it on for fit…nothing to loose…something has to change here soon. I am not sure how much longer we can live this way and still stay sane! 

Time for America to wake up! Time to think outside the box, I can feel it in my bones. The old ways of doing things are no longer working. But growing pains, tearing down old foundations and building new ones is pretty painful for most. So if I don’t get the second job working at the local grocery store and my husband doesn’t get the job in the warehouse than what? I am not sure, its all very un-familiar terrain I just figure right now, ten seconds at a time is all I can pretty much handle!